Feelgood Theosophy
Welcome to the Feelgood
Lodge
The Feelgood Lodge’s
Alternative Glossary
ACUPUNCTURE is an ancient Chinese medical technique of healing
people by sticking them with needles. Western doctors have recently discovered Acupuncture and
find it similar to their more modern technique of sticking patients with large
medical bills. Western doctors are now using Acupuncture to block the sensation
of pain, while the Chinese use it to remove the causes of pain. Naturally such
inscrutable Oriental purposes have no appeal to doctors or their accountants.
AKASHIC RECORDS. The Akashic Records are a great big VCR in the
sky that records everything that ever happens, particularly about you. (Yes,
even that time when you thought you were all alone in your room is
there). The Akashic Records are sometimes confused with Santa Claus'
files, which, of course, tell him if you've been "naughty or nice."
They are not the same. With Santa's records, you at least stand a 50% chance of
getting goodies. The Akashic Records are Cosmically
Impartial - no prezzies.
AURAS are fields of energy around our bodies which most of us can't
see but some people who come to Theosophical meetings claim that they can. Most
Theosophists people believe in Auras even if they
can’t see them. Auras have different colors.
It is supposed that you can tell how highly evolved people are by
the colour of their auras. However, there are so many different theories about
Auras that people are confused about which colours are better than others.
Theosophists tend to let this go by saying that the colours are energies which
are viewed subjectively. Everybody does agree that having any color of Aura is
better than having none at all.
Here is the final definitive, scientific rating of Aura colors:
White - Forget it. They're avoiding you. You wouldn't know one if
it bit you.
Violet - Very, very high. If you see someone with a violet aura, try to
ingratiate yourself.
Blue - Highly conscious, although somewhat pompous.
Blue - Green - Semi-conscious. Fun at parties.
Green - Reasonably conscious. Very healthy. Fond of plants.
Yellow - Average. Some hope for evolution, although unlikely to be
interested in it.
Orange - Has moments of consciousness. Uninspired
sexual partner.
Red - Passionate and quick tempered, but not very b-r-i-g-h-t.
Brown - Traditionally referred to as
"robot-consciousness".
Black - Unpleasant at best. Avoid them.
BARDO is a Tibetan word for the complete period between death and
the next rebirth. This covers the complete programme of events that the period
involves. There’s a bit of confusion with the term “Bardo” as some Hindu and
Buddhist systems use it to refer to specific events in that programme.
Ocean where things disappear a lot. Big things
like boats and airplane squadrons. Little things like people. Some people think
the
beam occasionally zaps things into oblivion. Others say it's an
underwater UFO airport and that the UFO people like to collect visitors. You
can impress people with the theory that it’s a hole in reality that
occasionally opens up so that things
fall through into another universe.
CHANNELING is what Channels do. A Channel is a person who does
channeling. Is that clear? Let's try again. Suppose someone is dead (or at
least highly evolved and not in a body) and wants to talk to
people who are still alive (or at least hanging out in a body).
Okay, one more time. Suppose higher entities want to talk to us
lower entities. They can't talk directly to most of us because our minds are
too busy to listen. So they find someone whose mind isn't as active to act as a
channel. This person channels information from the higher entity to us lower
entities. Naturally the channel charges for this information, but that's only
so the channel can continue to provide this valuable public service. Channeling
is very popular in Theosophical circles these days. It seems the other dimensions
are filled with entities with something to say. In fact, so many of us lower
entities are becoming channels ourselves that soon we may
all be channels. Everybody will talking and nobody will be listening.
(that’s not new)
It used to be that you could buy pretty rocks like crystals for a
few pence. Now they can be luxury items.
DRUGS are things which people put in their mouths, arms, or noses
to feel different. People take them to wake up, go to sleep,
liven up, calm down, see things, stop seeing things, feel better, or
stop feeling at all. Others take them just to pass the time.
Some Drugs are legal. They make lots of money for Tobacco and
Liquor Companies. Other drugs are kind of legal. They make lots of money for
Pharmaceutical Companies. Still other drugs aren't legal at all. They make lots
of money for farmers, self-employed businessmen, politicians, bankers, and government
and law enforcement agencies. If you are into any of this, Theosophy has some
dire warnings for you.
ENLIGHTENMENT is what all Theosophists are after. Nobody really
knows what it is, but everyone agrees it must be better than being
unenlightened, which is where most of us are now. Some people believe that if
you are Enlightened you will never have any problems again. You will have all
the money and things you need (although you won't care about them) and you can
spend the rest of your life (or lives) just grooving with Nature and God. The cacth is that Theosophy maintains that after you become Enlightened your work has only just begun. Where does it
end?
GLOBAL VILLAGE. At first sight this seems a very Theosophical
idea in which everybody is excellent to each other (Bill & Ted quote).
Global Village means that everybody will be connected with everybody else and
that instead of having lots of little governments that nobody likes, we will
have one big government which for some reason everybody is expected to like.
When we have one big Global Village, everybody will be a Citizen of the World,
and we won't need passports any more. According to some sources, a simple mark
on the forehead will be sufficient.
A GURU is a person who teaches you things. It has been said that
everyone is your Guru. This of course implies that you are everyone
else's Guru as well. Have you been shirking your responsibilities? You’d better
get on with it. Being a Guru is a serious business. At least most of the
better-known Gurus are serious about their business. Just ask their accountants.
HEALTH FOOD is what current health wisdom tells us to eat. It is
claimed that Health Food makes us radiant, clear-eyed, mucus-free, and regular.
All official Health Food is organic, which means the guy who sells it claims it
has no dirty-old chemical and artificial things in it. Health Food usually
costs a bundle. Eating Health Food gives the “ Health
Food Fanatic” such a healthy, sensitive body that it absolutely freaks out if
it takes in something unhealthy (a good bag of fish & chips). Considering
our environment and the need to have a “life”, would you really like to have a
body like that?
I CHING. The I Ching is a very old Chinese book.
People throw coins or sticks and then read in the I Ching
what their future will be and what they should do about it. This is considered
to be much more profound than flipping a coin.
KARMA is what happens when you do something. If you do something
nice, you get nice back. If you do something wicked, you're up a creek. Of
course you may not get it until another lifetime, by which time you'll probably
have forgotten how it started and ask "Why me?"
Karma is a Cosmic Law. That means you can ignore it all you want
but there's no way you can get away from it. But keep on trying if you like. It
passes the time.
KUNDALINI is a serpent of energy curled up at the base of the
spine, which rises when one meditates on it. When one gets really good at it,
the Kundalini comes all the way up the spine, frazzles the brain, and leaps out
the top. This is considered very desirable by people who practice Kundalini.
Lots of people practicing Kundalini have been so successful that they are now
living in nice, quiet places where they can be with others like themselves.
LEVITATION means defying the law of gravity and floating above the
ground. There are now people who will teach you how to levitate. Apparently the
method involves relieving yourself of certain unessential encumbrances (tens,
twenties, fifties) thereby lightening your essential self.
Levitation, incidentally, is how the Egyptians built their pyramids.
People often wonder how they carried those big stones up the steps of
half-finished pyramids. They didn't. They built them from the top down.
LOVE is a highly rated commodity. Theosophists love everyone. You
can tell this because they smile very sweetly, speak in soft, gentle voices,
radiate total acceptance, and forgive you immediately for all your faults. If
you enjoy this sort of Pure Saintly Behavior you are a true Theosophist and
should definitely come to meetngs. However, if Pure
Saintly Behavior drives you up a wall, we suggest you look elsewhere. After
all, there are still plenty of outfits where love isn’t even in the equation.
NUMEROLOGY is the science of Numbers. No, it's not like Arithmetic.
That is a different kind of science. Numerology is about the meaning of
numbers. Each number from 1 to 9 has a special meaning. Your name has its own special
number. If you add up all its letters (A=1, B=2, and
so on), you'll get a number that tells you your life's path. If you don't like
that particular path, you can change your name and get a new one that gives you
a better path. You don't think
O is for OM.
When someone chants
POWER SPOTS are places on the planet that have extra special
energy. Some Theosophists are interested in Power Spots because they are said
to include good places for annual lodge outings like
A recent development is the idea that Power Spots are directly
connected with: 1) Ancient civilizations 2) Secret societies 3) Flying saucers,
and 4) Planetary Chakras
When you get there Power Spots are considered to be good places for
1) Great Meditation 2) Great Sex 3) Great Shopping, and 4) Great Meditative Sex
(actually nobody knows what that is).
REINCARNATION
means that after we die we come back in a new body for another lifetime, then
we die, then we come back again and so on, over and over. To Theosophists reincarnation
means we come back as humans.
Supposedly, we
keep reincarnating until we learn our lessons, whatever they may be. Since most
of us are a little slow at catching on to things, we've been doing this
for millions of years. This is called being on the
Wheel of Karma. Some people think Reincarnation is a great excuse for waiting
till the next lifetime to do anything.
TANTRA is a
special kind of sex which is done for spiritual reasons.
The THIRD EYE
is the one in the middle of your forehead which you might not have noticed yet,
but which all seekers of enlightenment want to open. They figure if they can
see two dimensions with one
eye, and three dimensions with two eyes, just imagine
what they might see with three eyes!
One supposed
method of opening the Third Eye is by drilling a hole in the forehead. This has
not been a popular technique but there is a picture of it on the cover of Pantera’s “Far Beyond Driven”
album.
Another way is
through meditation Still another way is to say nice things to it and coax it
open.
What about a Third
Ear?
WHOLE EARTH
means the entire planet on which we live. The symbol of the Whole Earth is a
picture of the Earth taken from
space. It shows a beautiful blue-green gem shining in
the black void of space.
Unfortunately
that jewel in space is covered with a lot of people who believe in Part Earth.
And they generally think their part is better than the other parts.
Whole Earth
People tend to think the whole thing is pretty nice. And that there's really no
way to divide the thing into parts
anyhow.
YIN/YANG is an
ancient Oriental concept.
Yin/Yang means
that everything has its opposite within it. Every Yin has a
little Yang inside, and every Yang contains a little Yin.
What this means is that everything that seems one way is really kind of the
other way too. And that opposites aren't really
opposed because in some way they're already like their opposition.
Therefore,
since nothing is really what it seems -- and generally more like what it
doesn't seem -- there's not much sense in worrying about anything because it's
not what we thought it was anyhow. Don't you find this reassuring?
ZEN is
everything. It is the indefinable made manifest. (Or is it the manifest made
indefinable? Zen can be very confusing.) Anyway, in addition to being
everything, Zen is also nothing. Therefore it is not necessary to do Zen.
Nevertheless, there are special places called Zen monasteries where people do
Zen, which of course they were already doing even when they weren't doing Zen.
Feelgood Theosophy
Thankyou for visiting the Feelgood Lodge
______________________
An
independent Theosophical Republic
Worldwide
links to FREE online
Courses,
Writings, Commentaries,